Posted by: Ashley Baker | June 23, 2012

The Church of Bacon

♥ Bacon ♥

♥ Bacon ♥ (Photo credit: lynn.gardner)

So, a lot of people I know love bacon. I mean REALLY love bacon. One day we were talking and somehow the idea of the Church of Bacon came around. One such friend still tells me the Church of Bacon doesn’t exist, and it doesn’t yet—but it will. Here are the ten commandments for the Church To-Be.


  1. Only kill the pig when it is at its peak, so that its bacon will be pure.
  2. Turkey bacon is not real bacon. Only bacon from the pig is true bacon.
  3. There shall be free bacon every Sunday, an entire pound for each member of the Church, and half a pound for non-members.
  4. Stealing bacon is punishable by taking away your privilege to eat bacon.
  5. Having sex with bacon or the pig is a heinous crime. The pig is the most sacred of animals.
  6. Make the world know the wonders of bacon.
  7. There is no better food than bacon.
  8. You are required to eat bacon on Sunday. If you will not have enough to eat the entire week, you must save it for Sunday.
  9. Honor the pig, which gives you food, and honor its mother and father for giving it life and for sacrificing themselves to be bacon.
  10. Do not murder the piglet, for it has not yet grown to give a bountiful harvest.


If this sounds like some crazy cult, that was more or less the idea. It’s also a joke, and there’s not really going to be a Church of Bacon (not run by me, anyway). Don’t worry, I’m not here to throw you off whatever path you’ve chosen to follow. :P

Also, go check out Burger King’s bacon sundae that I keep hearing so much about. I’ve linked to an article about it below. Two, actually, one with a good review and the other with a… not so great review.


%d bloggers like this: