Posted by: Ashley Baker | November 6, 2012

How I Got To This Point

I was browsing through Reddit a few minutes ago when I came upon the very page that pointed me on my way to the happiness I’ve felt since Sunday. (And I truly hope this feeling never fades!) So I thought perhaps others would like to know how I came to this point…

First and foremost, if it weren’t for my friends, I probably would have succeeded in committing suicide. It’s a lot harder to find a reason to be alive when there is no one there for you. And while sometimes we feel that way even when we know there are people there for us… I just think that’s what made a big difference. I felt alone, but after that last pill, I realized I didn’t want to leave those people I cared about. MS, KT, DH, KC, TS, JW… there are more, but I don’t think you want a giant list of initials!

Anyway. Sunday after being released from the hospital, I knew I needed to find some sort of resources to help me fight depression. The first place I went to was Reddit’s /r/depression, where I’ve gone before during times I needed help with depression. But instead of asking for it right on that sub-reddit, I checked the sidebar to see if there was anything there. At the very bottom, it said, “Also see /r/getting_over_it/, a positive supportive space to help you as you overcome depression.”

I clicked the link and began reading the sidebar for /r/getting_over_it. It linked me to Befrienders Worldwide, where I found two resources. One was the Samaritans, which is actually located in the UK, but you can email them and talk about your problems. Befrienders describes it as “a free and confidential service, which normally responds within 24 hours.” I did this, and then continued looking through the site until I found http://suicidehotlines.com/. I’m not sure where I found it or if it was on another site that Befrienders linked to, BUT it got me there, and that’s what matters.

I started clicking and reading as much from this site as I could. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. The author of this site, and a few others that are linked to from this site, has suffered from severe clinical depression. She described it in a way I had been trying to for years. And then I found out her treatment…

Nutritional supplements.

No antidepressants.

There are no words to describe how happy I felt. I could be free of antidepressants. If someone as bad off as this author was could use just vitamins, then I could, too. I’ve still been taking my antidepressant (though my grandmother has even commented she didn’t think they were doing anything for me) but I think the vitamins are going to be the real turning point. The hope alone has uplifted me.

I feel like I’ve been happy for a week rather than two days.

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Responses

  1. I am glad you feel happy.


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